Tome of the Month: The End

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Embed from Getty Images It’s official: I’ve set a new world record in ineffectiveness and inconsistency. My plan to make Tome of the Month a regular feature hasn’t worked out. Yes, I know: after only two instalments.

My time management issue has not been solved. In fact, it’s getting worse. Before I get so distracted that I make a huge mistake at work, which might result in getting fired, or before I burn the breakfast milk (again), which will result in a revolting smell all around the house, I must take measures. I need to further downsize my 2015 reading list and not feel compelled to review every book I finish. My need to revert to a healthy, active lifestyle collides with sedentary hobbies and interests like reading and writing.

Moreover, I’ve realized lately that I lack some practical skills. There are vital things I should learn from my mother before she’s gone, such as gardening, making hand-made pasta and cooking “advanced” dishes like fish and rabbit chasseur. Also, I know I’ve delegated too many tasks to my husband (especially car-related ones), and they’re all things I’d better learn or re-learn. As long as I was single, I had gotten used to take care of myself quite well, but after he came into my life I’ve become lazy and let him take charge. Should anything happen to him, I’d find myself quite lost. Survival skills are certainly more important than writing skills!

Embed from Getty Images This blogger was thrown in a natural environment out of the blue. He has obviously no clue what to do with all that grass. He’s lost, so he reverts to the screen.

It was exciting and reassuring to see that the writer in me still remembers how to hold a pen in her hand, after all these years of dumb office work. But I did a reality check, and had to admit blogging is not a priority. So I have to limit my activity here to poetry. I won’t stop posting book reviews and other things, but I will do that occasionally. Sadly, I can’t seriously commit to writing: trying to become an author means dedicating at least one hour a day to that goal, and I just can’t fit it into my schedule.

Embed from Getty Images A rabbit stew. It doesn’t quite match my mother’s recipe, but it’s the closest I found to a rabbit chasseur.

As I realize my liberal arts background has brought me nowhere – and if it hasn’t done anything for me so far, it never will – I have come to see my education as a burden that weighs me down and as mental clutter, rather than a useful asset which might help me pursue a satisfactory career. It’s time to face the fact that I have failed to become an intellectual like in my childhood dreams, and took an ordinary job that pays the bills instead. No deep thinking required there. I must come to terms with it. I must finally let go of that chapter of my past, archive it and close the door, keeping a receptive attitude and be confident that new doors will open. Throwing several boxes of old textbooks and notes seals it.

So be it. I know this is the wisest thing to do right now.

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